Courtship Revisited

I thought that your story “Courtship and the Male Ego” was sad. Well written, but sad. Why do I hear about courtships several times over? What is the line between courting and dating? Is this dating with the name courtship slapped on to it?

I believe in courtship, or you could call it dating with a purpose. But it doesn’t really matter what you call it. And it doesn’t matter as much what things you do that are “correct”. Asking the parents is good. Very good in fact. But we must not forget the real issue here. So look to what Jesus said. How many times did He talk about what all goes on in the heart not the actions that matter? And along with that it matters more in relationships that you are guarding your hearts, trusting God. The point is not to give pieces of your heart away. This is NOT easy, but it IS necessary. If your heart is right… if you are seeking God… He will lead you to do all those right things.

I was also concerned with the impression of “just the way it is” when referring to splitting churches. It is FAR too normal in our society… and it has been said that Christians are the only warriors that shoot their wounded. We as Christians need to realize that we will never fully agree on every point. But our job in life is not to fix the theological problems of other Christians. (How pompous is that?) Seek God, be assured in your own mind, talk humbly with others, and listen above all. If need be, agree to disagree. And the next time someone doesn’t see things your way… love them anyway. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud, it is not selfish, keeps no records of wrong, does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in the truth, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things… Love never fails.

Some people might think that I’m missing the point… that this is too simple. They might like to argue with other people about “Free-will or Election” or any other thing. I use to, and still fall into that “discussion” (and yes I’m reformed). But is the mission that God gave us to go out into the world and convince every one to believe in every way the same as we do? Some times a little of that is called for, but that should not be our focus. “Love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
– Lynné

Tim Eaton Replies:

You’ve captured everything the story was about – you’re right, it is sad. But that was the point: the story was a picture of things that so often go wrong in churches today. It was supposed to be a satire, but unfortunately it wasn’t satirical enough, and it seems most people thought the story was really about me. Trust me: it’s not.

I was mainly addressing the issue of labels. We slap courtship on something, and it’s OK. But it’s not, not if our heart attitude doesn’t change. The hero of our story had a promiscuous view of romance, and courtship didn’t hinder that at all. In fact, it amplified it, because the commitment was supposed to be that much more serious. You can call it courtship and still get most of it wrong, just like you can call it dating and get most of it right. As you said: if your heart is right and you’re seeking God, He’ll lead you through the process. He’ll protect you from the harm you’d otherwise receive.

You addressed the other main problem: his schismatic attitude. The character in the story was constantly stereotyping and labeling fellow Christians – his attitude was simply judgmental. It’s the whole “I don’t like your position on head coverings, so I’m gonna start a new denomination up the street” attitude Reformed thought is full of.

Thus, the story is a condemnation of the judgmental, hypocritical state of far too many Reformed minds right now. Not the story of my life.

Thanks, Lynné, for writing in with your concerns. Let’s watch and pray for the unity of the Church. And the growth of maturity in its members. Heaven knows we need it.

Related Links:
  ”Courtship and the Male Ego,” by Tim Eaton