They call me single. I suppose that’s because I am twenty-one, not married, and have lived on my own for nearly four years. The stereotype of this status informs me that I ought to stay out late, consider myself first, and eat simple meals consisting mostly of carbohydrates (particularly macaroni, pizza and ramen noodles).

I think of myself as a wife and mother-in-training. I spend a good portion of my time observing families in my congregation, helping them and learning from them as I prepare for the future.

It is time to be rid of the false dichotomy between singles and families. First of all, I am in a family. My mother and father, sisters and brother still exist, even if I cannot live with them. Secondly, I know that I am called to think about family life before I endeavor to form my own. God has not called all newlyweds to reinvent the biblical family. He has given us the institution of the local church so that we can hear the word preached, partake in the sacraments, and submit to godly discipline, but also so we might teach and encourage one another.

As a younger woman, I am called to learn how to be a godly wife and mother from the older women in my congregation, as Paul instructed in his letter to Titus. It seems wise to start now, while my schedule is more flexible and I have less responsibility. I have heard tremendous lectures and read fantastic books about honoring God as a wife and mother, but our training must not be limited to what we can read and hear.

We must be able to see families striving to live biblically with our own two eyes. We need to be in their homes: helping, watching, asking questions, and storing up ideas for the future. If this sounds impossible or intrusive, you need to remember that living in a covenant community leads to both openness and cooperation. If no one is inviting you into their home, first seek to find needs in your church body and think of ways you can help to meet those needs. Ask a mother of young children if she could use a hand a few hours one day so that she can clean a closet or paint a bedroom. Volunteer to baby-sit little ones while a homeschooling parent takes older children on a field trip. Offer to make a meal for a family and visit a while when you drop it off. Attend ball games and dance recitals with a family to celebrate their children with them.

I have been so blessed lately to spend time with families from my church in various stages of life. I have seen family devotions, discipline, and household rules. I have experienced both chaos and calm. I have been there in hard times and in the midst of great delights. I have seen men and women strive to honor God with their families and their lives.

I do not know exactly when I’ll be called to marriage or parenthood, but I want to be ready. In his goodness, God has given me older women to learn from and be encouraged by, and I’m not going to miss out on that.

***
Kristen learns much from the women of Christ Church North Carolina. You might find anecdotes of her adventures on her weblog, In the Shadowlands.