Dear Eowyn,

I feared for your character in the hands of modern filmmakers. You were the perfect target for the unrestrained feminism that takes center stage with so many other movies. I was pleasantly surprised to see your character stay true to the way Tolkien wrote you.

You fit the ideal of a warrior princess in true medieval style; there was nothing weak about you, nothing afraid of proving yourself in battle, yet you submitted to your king and stayed where you were needed. A weaker director surely would have changed the script to have you fighting in battle, or perhaps slaughtering a stray orc that got too far into the caves, or at the very least complaining to the other women how unjust the king was to force them down below when they could be fighting alongside the men. But you stood firm, silent and strong, ensuring the safety of the women and children, and for that I raise my glass to you.

I suppose the only thing I might question is the reason you’re falling for Aragorn. He still seems rather unattractive to me.

***

Dear Treebeard and Gollum,

You will forgive me, I hope, for clumping you together. I mean nothing by this but the fact that you’re so different than I; never while reading the books did I have a clear picture of what you looked like. Gollum was easier to envision, but the Ents? I had no point of reference for such a being. The name “Ent” floated in my mind vaguely associated with talking, walking trees, but there was no specific image in my mind.

Treebeard, you were no disappointment, I can say that much. Whatever my mind saw you looking like, the movie merely amplified it; it didn’t contradict it. And when you lead the Ents on to Isengard, the discrepancy of walking trees does not even occur to me; it is as heroic a charge as the Light Brigade ever made.

Gollum, the animators rode a fine line when creating you. Without care, you would have become Jar Jar Binks or a character from Labyrinth, the very fact that you are not real being a distraction from your performance while the animators settle for cheap laughs. I should have known better.

Watching the film, I lose sight of the fact that you’re merely animated. Your movements and expressions are not only perfect, they are perfectly in character. I can pity you, and laugh at you while hating myself for laughing. Your conversations with yourself were better than Willem Dafoe’s in Spiderman – the things filmmakers can do with computers never stops surprising me.

***

Dear Faramir,

Honestly, I cannot decide whether I like your character in the movie. On one hand, you have the purist side of me, decrying the liberties taken with your part: “How could you Hollywood morons paint such an ugly picture of the most noble man in Middle Earth?” I yell.

But on the other hand, there is the film geek that says in a more reasonable voice, “The books are not The Bible; adaptations need to be made when creating a film. Liberties can be taken, and that’s part of the business. The real question is: were Faramir’s actions internally consistent?” The purist side of me is forced to admit yes, if I had not read the book, I would have seen nothing out of place in his actions.

For now, I withhold judgment and accept that you’re different than you were in the book. I’ve heard that in the next movie, your noble side will be much stronger; both sides of me hope that is the case.

***

Dear Peter Jackson,

Congrats on yet another success with the Tolkien story. In neither movie did I perfectly agree with your choices of what to change from the books, but I don’t mind. I’ve enjoyed the look into your imagination and how you envisioned everything from Mordor to the Shire. If your mind doesn’t see things exactly the way I do, can I fault you? If I wanted to enjoy my own imagination December 18th, I would have stayed home and read the book.

What is amazing is how much your adaptation of Tolkien’s imagery matches the pictures in my own mind. It must be a testimony to Tolkien’s ability to create a world and describe it that we see things almost exactly the same way. His mind for detail leaves few vague areas, but even in those areas you stayed (mostly) true to his vision.

And the battles, oh good heavens the battles. They stand out from any war movie I’ve seen; they are not gory like Braveheart, but even so they manage to convey the fearsome danger and confusion of battle. The characters move so fast it only registers seconds later what they’re doing, and always you feel as if you were right there, and any moment an orc sword or arrow might hit you if you continue to sit still. The danger feels real, real enough for you to hold your breath with each encounter and sigh afterwards as you realize it is only on film.

I do wonder how you’re going to fit the whole rest of the story into the next movie, however. I fear you might have to skip the events at the Shire at the end – which would be terrible, as that’s probably my favorite part. But I will sit still until next year, except for, perhaps, gnawing my fingernails, but on the whole dutifully waiting to see how you’ll pull it off.

***
Tim Eaton edits Chasing Hats and lives in New Hampshire. He often talks to imaginary people, perhaps more than is strictly healthy.